I went camping this past weekend with a group of friends. And it was great…lots of sitting around doing nothing, campfires, food, catchphrase…and then last night I lay awake in my tent, and started thinking about a kid whose IEP I have this week, and what the goals should be, etc. etc., and though it didn’t negate how fun the weekend was, it got me thinking about the proverbial elephant, and what I’ve learned about it since I started my new job (which I love).
And this really is one of those “and” things. It’s a life lesson I took with me from way back in the CLV days….there doesn’t always have to be a “but,” sometimes it’s just an “and.” As in I love my job and I have a lot to learn. I still feel quite overwhelmed, and I have a kick ass CFY (clinical fellowship year) supervisor. I love my kids and most of the time I don’t feel like I really know what I’m doing. I know how to see the kids and I have no idea how to fill out the requisite paperwork or pick a goal with a kid has a thousand things we could work on. I’m excited to go to work and I’m dreading another week where I have to ask a pack of questions to know how to fill out one form.
People keep asking me how the new job is going, and I tell them I love it and I’m really overwhelmed. Which are both true. I’m used to my professional life being one area I can be confident in my abilities, and I don’t like feeling incompetent. I want my supervisor to think I’m doing an amazing job, and I know I have a lot to learn. I want to do my job with excellence, and I know there is a learning curve which requires being gracious with my own expectations.
So I am learning a tolerance for ambiguity that wears on me, tires me out. And I am grateful for gracious encouragement from mentors and joy from my students. It’s really an “and” kind of thing.