Ambiguity

Tomorrow morning I will walk into a new school, and be immediately expected to take over a caseload of 69 kids. And none of that really scares me. Let me tell you what does. I. Hate. Ambiguity.

Sure 69 kids is a ton. And yes, I don’t have a lot of experience planning or implementing therapy. But there are a lot of other things I really suck at that make this feel overwhelming. Such as:
  • Not being in control. I hate more than anything feeling out of control of a situation. It puts me on edge, and in most cases I will do whatever I can to be back in control. In this situation that is not an option.
  • Not having time to plan. I feel confident I can handle most any situation (excluding sports of course) with adequate planning time. In this case it will be walk into the school at 7:30, and be expected to see kids starting at 8. Which of course is not going to happen, but if this were going my way, I’d have at least a week to plan so that I knew exactly what would happen on my first day.
  • Lack of logistics. I’m not sure why, but since I was a kid I have wanted to know logistics. I remember my freshman year of high school on the first day my biggest concern was which door to use. Tomorrow it’s the same–where do I go when I get there, where is the kitchen/lounge? How will I find my way around school? Where is my room? Do I even have a room?

So yeah, this week will be interesting. And after tomorrow I will likely feel less overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited. Subbing and getting paid for it as part of my internship is amazing and doesn’t happen very often. And I’m sure this is good for me too, having to stretch. And, if the day goes awfully, horribly wrong, there will be a nice gin and tonic waiting for me at home.
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1 Comment

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One response to “Ambiguity

  1. I hated my school internship. It was all too fast and too much, and I don't think 20 min. is enough. The kids just kept coming and coming…Don't worry, it gets better and then you graduate and you can choose where and how much you want to work.

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